Andy Yoruame's Blog
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Scruffy
In a word how I would describe my life right now. Weird I know.
Imperfect, rugged, rough, takes time to get here, not much effort. Choppy yet not without form. I have a beard again.
I hate shaving. So I think I'll just die my hair to match. My thoughts are running like rivers diverging and running back into one another again. All out in the end, to the see of conclusion sea.
I want a lot of things.
To feel closer to my friends and be closer to my friends.
To be at one with Christ and in submission to Father.
To feel I truly live in a whole and righteous fear of the Lord.
A nice apartment downtown hooked right into the national internet backbone via a ALL FIBER(optic) connection. With lots of really big windows draped with large thin curtains of white.
An iPhone 3G w/ full data plan =)
A good looking car I don't have to be ashamed of, and that won't let me down.All these earthly things.
Ableton Suite $1,000
Pro Tools M-Powered 7 $300
iZotope Spectron - 64bit spectral effects $130
ProjectMix I/O - W/ Motorized Faders $1,600
Torq Xponent - Including Torq Digital DJ software $750
BX8a Deluxe Speakers $600
Keystation Pro 88 $500
Axiom 49 - USB/Midi Control 49 Key W/ Pads $330
Axiom 25 - USB/Midi Control 25 Key W/ Pads $250
Fast Track Pro - 4x4 Mobile USB Audio/Midi Preamp $250
TriggerFinger $240
Studiophile Q40 - Headphones $180
Adobe CS4 Web Dev Premium $1,600
Nikon D90 SLR Digital Camera $1,000
Wacom Cintiq 12WX Tablet $1,000
Macbook Pro - 15inch $3,300
I'm pretty selfish... Have I made money my Idol? I never seem to have enough of it. But yet I cannot think of anything else I want other than these things... A partner in life, in Christ, a wife and a brother like Jonathan to David and family of my own would be nice.
No.... I long for that intimate companionship more than anything.
I don't think it's normal to disappoint ones self as much as I do.
I just keep learning and keep trying though, it's all I know to do.
~Andy -
BRRRR!!
Current mood:
It's getting cold! gaahhh. I hate the cold, I guess I need to put on a few pounds.
nervous
But aside from that a lot is going on. I've got the move lined out to the north side and I've figured out it's a 6.2 mile walk from there to Penn Square mall so it's doable in about 2 hours but.. BRRRR! is to cold! So I'm looking for a car still and I've found 3 prospects today and look good so far. A Chevy Cavalier, Saturn SC2 and a Honda Civic Del Sol. I'm really wanting to go look at them today but it dawned on me that dealerships close on sundays so it will have to be early next week. Hopefully monday, I have that day off. I have 3 days off next week actually and with 2 half days that only puts me at 24 hours for the week. I already told Trey that wouldn't work and I have bills to pay especially on top of only getting 29 hours last week but maybe this is a blessing in Disguise and God's plan to get me more time to prepare for and maybe start at the Apple Store this next week.
I'm not really sure what is going to happen next but I'm ready to move forward with my life and I flat refuse to stay where I'm at any longer. I need a job that works with my working for myself schedule and I need it now. I need a set routine so I can be sure to live a balanced and disappointed life and I need it now. I really hate rotating schedules with a passion. I still need to get back with Tim about volunteering at Life Church. I don't know if God has anything for me there but I feel I should at least try to give of myself in some way and this offers an immediate outlet. I'm trying not to do anything of myself and let God take the reigns because I don't want to end up doing anything for myself or even for the cause of Christ rather than for the Love of the Father. I believe everything we do should be out of Love for the Father and not for him but instead in service to him according to his plans and his will. Not our own zeal or our own idea of what he would want. I think a lot of Christian organizations are built on this idea of wanting to do something for the cause of God instead of God himself and in this way stray from his will.
I'm really trying to give this Apple Job my all. I feel as if my whole life hinges upon getting it at this point. And I would really like to make a career out of it if possible. We'll just have to see, I leave it to Gods hands as much as it worries me. There is only so much I can do.
So join me dear brothers and sisters so that I will not be alone, in striving to remember always that the Lord is worthy of praise no matter what our circumstances are.
Praise to Yeshua!
~Andy
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State of the Andy
Current mood:
As the Moore chapter of my life looks as if it is drawing to a close find myself in a state of uncertainty as I somewhat haphazardly strive to put together and find a way forward and onward to the future while straining for time to reflect upon the time recently past.
contemplative
There are a lot of things I wish I had done. Not so many I'm thankful, that I wish I hadn't. I'm not sure what I think of this year, it's almost over but it seems like it just flew by without me accomplishing much. It's my goal to do something about that and make these next 6 months a real time of not only development but of real, tangible accomplishment and progress.
I wish I had spent more time with ppl here in more like Buttons and Jodie. You are both wonderful and I love you. I guess I'm only moving from one side of town to the next so it's no big deal and we can still hang out it's just that the closeness is something I lament not taking full advantage of.
I wish I had done more over the year to really further myself in the things I'm passionate about, I've been pretty damn lazy if I'm honest with myself and I should have a freaking portfolio by now. Or at least a few semesters of college basics out of the way.. Hell even bothering to take a few standardized test or computer certifications would have been nice but I've just sat around not even reading enough books.... I wish I read more books these past years. I wish I spent more time in prayer and got to know my Jesus and my Father better. I wish I spent more time with friends instead of being at home in front of a computer as I am now. And I wish I kept on drawing all this time instead of stopping when I was about 11 =/
*sigh*
There really is a lot to be disappointed about in myself, but the grace of God is sufficient for me to endure all. If only I'm not so absent minded and dumb that I don't even reach for it (and I am sometimes).
I want fellowship, I want comradery, I want Biblical Community.
If the Lord is willing I want to move to the north side by the end of November and get a job with the Apple store at least over the holidays. I'm VERY excited about the massive employee discount Apple offers, it would make my dream machine / essential tool for taking my digital art to the next level about $1000 dollars more affordable and that would be a tremendous help and a blessing.
Also a career with Apple is well.. actually something I would consider making a career out of.
Up until now all the work I've done has only been a job( J.O.B. Just Over Broke) that I always saw as temporary I took only for the paycheck. But a company like Apple is somewhere I think I could make my home and be happy working.
I'm still going to go ahead with my plan to try and get an advanced diploma of multimedia and working part time as a graphic designer while doing my own web development and consulting as a usability specialist on the side but for the foreseeable future until such a time as I have that diploma Apple store is definitely on my dream job list.
I've really come to realize how selfish and prideful I truly am before Christ and it makes me sick.
Even in the little things I disobey and in many important things I find myself caught in habits of compromise and make vain attempts to defend or rationalize my own sin. In the end I know it's wrong and I persist not because of my own frail human weakness but because I have selfishly, stupidly, rebelliously chosen to live my own way. Knowing full well the price paid on Calvary for my freedom and the love of the one whom I disobey.. knowing he knows best and loves me so much he would never want anything for me but the very best stiff I disobey... I'm just so freaking stupid sometimes.
Anyway... I have to work all day tomorrow. I've been up far far to late as it is. I'm going to bed so I bid you all goodnight.
Love Love
Andy -
Friends
Current mood:
So much I miss different ppl all the time and just want to spend all my time around other ppl. I'm going in for the hookup on a job tomorrow, I hope that works out. Matthew and Andew Perkins should be hookin me up with a job at Jersey Mike's subs. I never liked the idea of working with food but a paycheck is a paycheck I supose, I'm not making a career out of it.
restless
I'm excited to see what Yeshua does there, and excited about the proposition of finaly being able to get a car again and having the money to start getting some of my audio and web dev / art gear.
I LOVE John Reuben, listen to Boy Vs. the Cynic over and over again. So good. Rap with an actual message, imagine that? an uplifting one too? beauty
I've not played video game sin 4 days, call it a fast I guess? It's an exersise of my will power and a little time for me to refocus on Christ and set my life a bit more in order. When I'm playing games I'm so much less aware of what is around me, and how I'm spending my time. It feels good to regain control of my time spending, and set a schedule in order again.
I'm going day after tomorrow Lord willing to see about getting a futon for mah room so I can finaly stop sleeping on the floor! ^_^ not that I really mind sleeping on the floor but it's ok to get excited right? =) I will also then have a couch type thing in my room and once I get a drill borrowed I'll be able to setup that desk and be almost ready to entertain /w movies anime and such. (I've got a fair size collection of anime these days)
mmm Listening to John Reu reminds me of Duck. I miss that dude bunches.
It's stange how you can forget things when your adiquately distracted by one of the many things we have to entertain us in our consumer scociety... even important things like just how MUCH you care about ppl.
I really just want to spend my days with ppl I love these days, I don't really think about much else.
May the love of Yeshua be with you!
~Andy