Yoshi's Blog

8th Month - The Countdown

There is a definite sense of this year coming to an end in the air, as the winter is starting to roll in. The mornings are darker and colder,  and the motivation to jump out of bed and ride 6km to school at 7 in the morning is starting to vanish.

The 8 month of my adventure here in ..:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />Switzerland has just passed, and the time I have left here is starting to get faster and faster. The cruelty of time.

It is 11am on a Sunday morning as I sit here, it is 7 degrees outside,  and I think it is finally time for me to give an update about what I have been up to. I just need to find a place to start.

I guess an appropriate place to start would be about a month ago. When Mum, Dad and Elle came to visit. I had been having mixed feelings a few weeks before, I was excited that I got to see them, but at the same time I was so nervous. I hadn't had anything physical from home in almost 7 months. Just the fact that I was about to see my family, who I hadn't seen in so long was scary. At the airport, just before they arrived, I was shaking and every time the doors to the gate opened, my heart leapt. Finally they arrived, and within about 5 minutes everything was back to normal, we were a family again. Like nothing had changed, like no time had passed.

During their stay here, We visited a lot of places. Places that I had been to during the year, places that I had not yet had the opportunity to visit, and also places that I call home. I was able to show off my German, (and talk about them behind my back...just kidding), and in hindsight, give them a look into the life I have been living for the past 7 months.  We had lunch with my first host family, the Wüthrichs, on the Sunday of the first week. Everyone was able to converse in English luckily, and I was relieved that everyone got along so well. We talked lots, mostly about me always sleeping in and missing school, and that I never rode my bike to school whilst I was with them. It was this moment that I really appreciated what the family had done for me. How well I was looked after. Mum and Dad both agreed to me that I was incredibly lucky and blessed to have had such a family, because you hear many horrible stories about the relationship between host family and host student.

On the Monday night, I invited Lisa (from South Africa) and Röschu for dinner with us in Luzern. It was a really nice night, and I was pleased that everyone got along so friendlily. And then on Tuesday, we hired a car and drove 7 hours to the South of France, a little place called Menton, which lay directly on the Mediterranean Sea. I have to say though, sitting in a car, for so long, gets really tedious. For my dad, who had never driven in Europe before, and me, who was supposed to be helping, it was stressful. And I won't be doing it anytime again soon. Finally we got there, and man, it was hot. Apparently, this part of France doesn't know Winter. I believe that.

Everyday started at the beach for a few hours, getting some sun, and swimming, before we packed up and went walking in the city. Ironically, never really buying anything. One night we drove 20minutes and went into Italy, (the two are so close together) and had dinner. I was really excited because I got to show off some Italian that I knew. Yes people, I can speak Italian. Not alot, just enough to order and politely ask questions in a restaurant. It is a start though. Italian is a cool language.

We drove back on Saturday, left the plus 30 degree temperature and arrived in Switzerland, where it was raining badly, and a Waterfall just beyond the Gotthard Tunnel was at risk of starting to crash over the road. (We later found out, that a day later, it had indeed done that.)

For the last few days of my family being here, Elle stayed with my current host family, whilst mum and dad stayed down the road with my host father's brother. This was the biggest test for me, as my current family don't speak English. So I was constantly listening to conversations and translating for everyone. Sure, I didn't understand every word but we all managed just fine. I was quite proud of myself, when i think that at the start of this year I didn't speak a hint of German.

Monday Night came really quickly and I took them all to the Zürich Airport, where we sat and talked for a few hours. Then it was time for them to leave for Hong Kong, and for me to catch the next train home. I cannot express to anyone how much of a strange feeling that is. Knowing your family where leaving for home, and you were staying behind. I said to mum and dad just before they left, "I don't want a long emotional farewell."So I hugged them, said I love you, thankyou for everything, see you soon, and then I left. I didn't want a repeat of January 2008, a time which seems an eternity behind me.

I didn't realise how much my parents leaving would have affected me until they were gone. It really puts you off track for a bit. But I am a big kid now, I have learnt to deal with it. I'm stronger now.

After they left I returned back to school, and compared to how I was back in May, (where I hated going to school and didn't do any work...well I still don't really), now I find myself understanding so much more, I am even able to give a little contribution into class discussions, and answer questions. A bit over a week ago, we were given a book to read for German Class. The Physicists. It was a play about 3 crazy men, who aren't really crazy. It is a long and complicated plot, but I decided that I would read it. And I did. It was quite interesting.

Last week, Lisa was home alone and so I moved in for a few nights. It was good, school was only about a 5 minute bike ride away, which meant I could sleep in just a little bit more. We cooked for ourselves, and watched Friends. I love independence. It is such a good feeling. A tribute to the fact that I am growing up more and more everyday. Saturday night I went to a club in Aarberg called Moonwalker. It was a styles party. It was awesome, but it was so cold, and we had to ride our bikes there and back, not to mention that it was raining heaps. It was amusing because I got there and people from the Kanti (school) kept randomly coming up to me and saying hello, knowing who I was. And all I could say was, how do you know me? Stupid question though. I am an exchange student. EVERYONE knows who I am.

So this last week has been pretty fun, been out with friends lots. We start Autumn holidays again on Friday. And on Saturday begins the two week EURO-TRIP. We are going to Italy, Germany, Austria and Czechoslovakia. I can't wait. It is a little sad though, because this trip is the last big thing we do together as a group. And it always symbolises the end of exchange is getting closer. I have just under three and a half months left. The reality of leaving keeps hitting me, reminding me that I do have to go home.

I don't want to leave. I will say it now. I love it here. I have a new life here. I have friends. I have never felt so comfortable nor felt so at home. The memories of this year and the people I have met, everything about this year so far has been amazing. Leaving will be the hardest thing I have ever done. But I don't want to dwell too much. There is still plenty of time left, and I know that I can come back whenever I want to.

I just don't ever want to have to say goodbye. That thought hurts more than anything.

Current mood:peaceful

The New Me

I'd never been to Europe in my life until now, and I find it to be such an amazingly beautiful place; full of culture and history; the people are all different as are the languages and so coming here was a huge challenge as I had quite little knowledge of anything related to Europe...:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

In 6 months I have I have learnt another language, all about a new culture and country and made a completely new life for myself. Not to mention I have gained so much confidence in myself as a person both physically and mentally, and I have come to learn more about, and also to realise more about my own identity. All this experience in only 6 months. It is unbelievable and I have no idea how I will be able to explain it when I am home.

It is funny because there hasn't been a specific moment when I have thought to myself, 'Oh, I have just grown up,' rather it has been a progressional change. You don't realise it has happened until it has.     

I am so lucky to have been given this opportunity because not many people have had the chance to live the life I am living now. In perspective, if I was in ..:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />Hobart now and had not gone on exchange, my life would still be the same, I would still be the 'me' I was before I left.

A very good friend told me that when I come back I will still be the same, just with a few improvements, and I think she captured it better than a lot of other people. I am unsure if the new me, however, will be able to fit into my old life. Truth be told, I don't want it to. I love this life. I have never felt so alive, as if nothing could throw me off. All the hurt I have felt this year has been so worth it because it has put me where I am now. I am only 18 years old, but with what I have experienced and dealt with this year, I fell so much older. Mature. I can hold my own against the world. I can take it on. I am strong enough for that. I am ready.

When I get home, I know things will be different – I am going to have my whole life ahead of me, with this amazing experience behind me and it is this year that will set up my future. I have given myself goals for the next year – all of which I would never do had I not gone on this exchange, because I always lacked the motivation. I used to dread the future, growing up, being independent – living for me. But now I could not be more excited. I am going to chase down the dreams I have dreamt for so long and I will not take 'no' for an answer. I know what I want in life and I will work until I get it. I know, and so does everyone else (I hope) that I am an ambitious person. I have the ability and potential, and now I have what I once lacked; motivation. Look out world.

I can't believe how much I have grown up, how much I have changed as a person. I have never being more proud of myself – and I hope that I have made all my family and all my friends proud too. It was because of their love, friendship and support that I got here. I owe them all so much.

I have realised that life is only life if you dare to live it. To push yourself out of every comfort zone and embrace the unknown, like you would a best friend. In a world where nothing is normal, it doesn't mean everything is different – it means we have to learn to understand why. Choices are our own, and every bad choice eventually leads to a good one. I made the choice to leave my life for a whole year, leave my family and my friends to chase down a dream. It was the single hardest thing I have ever done. But now I am benefitting from it all. I am a whole new person.

I love this feeling. I am so excited about everything. My options and possibilities are endless. And what makes me even happier is that I still have another (almost) 6 months to grow and learn. To do things that I would love to do.

'Once in a lifetime means there's no second chance.' This has been my quote for this year. I am only here once under these circumstances, so I have to look beyond the walls, break them down and reach the other side. Because there lies a whole new world.

Do I sound like me still? A grown up me, maybe? I am sad because my friends and family haven't been able to see me change into the person I am now – because in Hobart I was a child – I had it easy – everything was done for me – even my personality was slightly…odd. I am looking forward to seeing how everyone reacts to me when I am home. I am looking forward to seeing how everyone else has grown, because I am not the only person that has changed. But anyway, what am I on about? I have been here only 6 months.

When it comes time to leave, January 11 2009, I am sure it will be the hardest day of my life. Harder than leaving home. I am always afraid of it. But I think, by then, I will be ready to leave. Ready to come home. Ready to see everyone again. But the hardest part will be saying goodbye to the people who have been with me through thick and thin this year – both the friends and the families. It must be a really difficult task to put up with an exchange student – especially one that doesn't know the culture or language all that well. These people are my second home, and I know that when I come back I can depend on these people.

Right now, I feel like Switzerland is home. It doesn't matter who I am with because I have adjusted here now. No longer do I feel like an exchange student. I feel Swiss (or as Swiss as one can get when they are really Australian.) I don't think I need to explain why, it should be self-explanatory.

This year, I have literally felt every emotion possible – to a point where I thought I would explode. But when you are alone, in a country where no one understands you – you can only count on yourself. It is not as easy as picking up the phone and asking to meet up with your friends. In every meaning of the word, you are alone. This year I have felt more alone than ever, but I have pushed through every obstacle and now the thought of being sad and lonely makes me feel ashamed, because I'm wasting my one year away. My one chance.

I guess that sums up my first 6 months of being on exchange. Or at least the mental side of it. The rate at how fast time is going still scares me, but whatever will be, will be.

I have to leave.

I have to go home.

It's inevitable.

So bring it on.