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{Allie-Allie OXINFREE™}'s Blog

  • Ripples


    ....................

    Beams from that reflective rock just hanging there in the
    night sky shone down on the grasses, giving the valley a serene appearance of
    what could possibly even be called Eden. Nothing could be as beautiful as this
    place. Cool, night breezes blew over the tall grasses, shifting them about, the
    stalks dancing along with the silent song of the night. Those beams from the
    moon continuing on their shining way across the grasses, barely touching them,
    and yet causing the green blanket of comfort to shine with such beauty that it
    would blind a demon. The beams continued further, caressing the pebbly shore of
    a perfect lake. A single small island sprouting from the middle, one tree
    having planted its roots to that spot, acting a guardian to the entire valley.

    “Man… Who thought there could still be a stereotypical valley
    somewhere around here?” The soft voice said, sarcasm rolling over her thin pink
    lips. The girl sighed and shoved her hands in her pockets, looking to her right
    to look at her companion. “Jae… Tell me again why we are here?”

    The other girl sighed as well and just looked up to the sky,
    bright emerald eyes shining with the reflection of the moon, dark colored bangs
    drifting slightly in one of those cool night breezes. “To try and get rid of
    your bad attitude.” A soft chuckled dripped from the girl’s lips as she ran a
    hand through her hair, lithe digits ruffling her hair where it rubbed in the
    wrong direction.

    The first girl grumbled and shrugged. “What attitude?”

    “That one, silly.” Again the first girl grumbled. Jae
    chuckled again and took the other’s girl’s hand in her own, interlocking their
    fingers together. Instantly a smile came to the other girl’s face, brightening
    her scowling visage by quite a lot. “Look, Mal. Just trust me alright?” Jae
    pleaded with a soft smile.

    “Ugh.” Grumbled the first girl, Mal, yet again. “Fine. Only
    because I love you.”

    “Good enough for me.” Jae chuckled yet again and the two
    girls continued their walk towards the shore of the lake.

    A few more minutes of walking, and they finally sat down, cross-legged,
    on the pebbly shore, hands still intertwined. Moments of silence past by, but
    to neither of their disagreement. This place did that to people who came here.
    All you needed was the silence and everything would be okay. But then, Mal
    spoke up.

    “I love calm water. It’s so peaceful, yanno?”  She asked, staring out over the surface of
    the water, which was so still it appeared to be a simple sheet of reflective
    glass. “If you’re wondering why I had that attitude today, Jae… It’s because of
    our arguing. I hate it.” She said with a sudden depressed and yet assertive tone.
    Mal continued to stare out over the surface of the water, and continued
    speaking after a few more moments of silence. “I honestly just want our
    relationship be like this water… No disturbances. No ripples caused by stupid
    rocks being thrown into it. Just… smooth, and clear. Easy. Yanno?”

    With a chuckle, Jae nodded. “Yeah. I know.” She then picked
    up a pebble and chucked it into the water, causing rippled to spread out from
    the impact area.

    Mal gasped and grunted, obviously upset by Jae’s actions. “Jae!
    What the hell? Does that mean you’re saying you want arguments to fuck up our
    relationship?”

    “No. I’m trying to teach you something.” The simple answer
    got an even angrier rise out of Mal.

    “And so you decide to ruin what I just finished saying was
    like a calm, argument free relationship?” Mal grunted again, and pulled her
    hand away from Jae, and pulled her knees to her chest, and rested her chin on the
    top of her knees.

    Jae sighed and shook her head. “You’re so stubborn. I’m
    trying to teach you something about us. So just pay attention, okay?” Mal
    shrugged and Jae continued. “Watch the water… The pebble did cause ripples. The
    water gets disturbed, yes, but it’s what happens after the ripples disturb the
    water that matters.”

    “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

    Jae picked up another pebble and tossed into the water, ripples
    erupting from the center of the impact area yet again. “Watch as the water
    moves when the ripple hits that particular area. The water hates it. It doesn’t
    want to be disturbed. It wasn’t to stay as it was before the impact of the pebble:
    a perfect sheet of still water, able to reflect the moon without any troubles.
    But still, it needs to deal with the ripples that rush through it.”

    Mal grunted again and continued to stare at the water. “So
    you’re saying that we just have to deal with our arguments?”

    “No.” Jae said shaking her head. “Keep watching the ripples.”
    Mal did as Jae said and continued to watch the water get disturbed by the small
    waves. “Now… look there.” Jae said as she lifted a hand to point to the outer
    most ripple as it disappeared and water before it was never disturbed. One
    after another the ripples disappeared, the water calming slowly. After a few
    more moments, the lake was once again a still sheet of glass like water.

    “I don’t get it…” Mal said, her scowl no longer on her face
    but rather a look of confusion.

    Jae chuckled and wrapped an arm around Mal, pulling her
    close. “A pebble may hit the water. The ripples may disturb the lake. But
    despite the water’s fear of never being able to sit still again, it knows that
    all it has to do is wait… and the ripples will be gone. Completely gone. And
    once again the water can rest, back in its favored glass like form.” Jae used a
    finger to move Mal’s head so that Jae could look into her love’s eyes. “Ripples
    are just something that the lake has to work through, and have confidence
    about.”

    Mal smiled and rested her head on Jae’s shoulder.

  • RANT

    Current mood:apathetic

    Okay so. Tuesday night. Blew up in my face. Big time. I know. I'm typing in short sentences. Oh well. Deal with it. it's how I type when I'm upset, or angry, or crying... or or... Just EVERY SINGLE EMOTION IMAGINABLE. So yeah. Deal. Anyways. Tuesday night. It was going, despite the drunkedness and me getting pissed off quite a few times. But towards teh end of the night it was going well. I was getting along with someone that I never thought I could get along with. That was short lived. I did something stupid. But teh thing is... I didn't even start it. I kind of didn't want to. But... she drew my in. She's like a freaking venus fly trap. Beautiful to look at, but once you touch. BAM! Your day goes to shit. And that's exactally what happened. Some walked in and... BAM AGAIN! SHIIIITTT HITS THE FAN!

    Like... I regret Tuesday for only one reason: it didn't go the way I wanted it to. I didn't get what i wanted. Yeah. That's selfish as shit. But I really don't care. PLus... I completly messed up the love of my life's relationship. She made me sound like the bad guy. She always makes me sound liek the bad guy. Why? I HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE! It just happens that way.... But again. VENUS FUCKING FLY TRAP. I keep going back to her. I keep wanting to just crawl back. Why?

    I'M IN LOVE WITH THE GIRL.

    She doesn't seem to get that though. It seems like she's just completly oblivious to what I could give her. TRUE. PURE. UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. Maybe that's why I can never stay mad at her. Maybe that's why I'm still IN LOVE with her even after she's beaten my mental state to a pulpy mass of goo. I'll never stop loving her. Never. I just can't. I think about ehr all the fucking time. ALL THE FUKING TIME. But again. She just doesn't understand. So now... she's with a girl she doesn't love. A girl who she told me she isn't happy with! But what teh fuck?! Why are you8 going to go and jump into a relationship only two months... wait no... ONE month after you told me that you needed time?! WHY?! WHy the FUCK would you do that?! Seriously?! It's because you're so fucking insoncdierate! You lie. You're a bitch! I swear to GOD that you get off on hurting me intentionaly sometimes. But I won't go as far to say that.

    She'll never get just how much this whole thing is hurtuing me. Never. I try to make her understand. But she just doesn't. I don't care what she thinks... Or what she says. She still loves me. She's told me that. She's told her girlfriend that. But I know... I know that she's confused on exactally to what extent that love reaches out to. But anotehr she doesn't get: I can help her with that. if she'll only let me try. I'm not saying dump your girlfriend to get back into a relationship with me. No way. I need time too. I need to figure out whether or not being in love with this girl is worth my pain. Right now I think - No. I KNOW it is. Nothing else can ever come to mind when I hear, see, or even think the word 'love'. Her face, her voice, OUR memories. They pop into my head. EVERYthing I do reminds me of this girl. And yet...

    I'm just so lost without her.
    I need her.

    But she's not there... She barely was when we were together. She's the first person I've ever like this about. The first person I've been able to confidently look into teh future with. For god's sake... We thought of it all. Marrige. Kids. LIFE. LOVE. HAPPINESS. But... towards teh end. She forced herself to push me away. She never fully told me teh reason why. I know that it's not because she didn't lvoe me anymore. I know she does. But I also know that she fell out of love with me. Only because she's scared. She's always telling me not to let fear hold you back. But that's what she's doing right now.She's running away from something that could be truly great for her because of fear and confusion. This confusion caused by the fear becasue she just won't stop running and look back and talk. Or listen even. She's scared to. But she needs to see that I'm there. I'll help her with anything.

    She's the best thing that has ever happened to me. And I can say they while staring her in the eyes. I have before. I've said a lot of stuff to her that I meant. That I'll never take back. Everything she's said to me, and everything I've said to her is still running rampant through my mind. Every single thing we did together. Every conversation. Every place we went. Every song we dedicated to eachother. I can't get over her. I never will.

    But still...

    Sometimes. I wish I would have never fallen so hard for her. If I had known that'd it'd end up being this hard, and painful to try and forget the BEST THING THAT'S EVER HAPPENED TO ME... I would have shied away from teh very begginning. I just can't stand it. She's done so much to me, and my mental state that's driving me crazy. The time she wants... I'm trying to give it to her... but it's killing me in teh process.

    I just wish that....

    I could have that back. I could HER back. I need her. And I know that deep down she knows that she still needs me. She just needs to find that need. She needs to find that love that's been muffled because of ehr fear and confusion. She needs to... take her time. It kills me deeply to admit that. But she does. I know that I need to back off. I know I do. I know I've fucked up quite a bit with her already. But I just can't stay away from her, her scent, her body, her face, her love. Everything about her I love. her imperfections are what make her perfect to me. She's amazing. Truly amazing. When I see her I smile. No matter what mood I'm in. It just happens. I always get butterflies in my stomach when I'm around her. Always. She brightens up my day witht eh simplest of words. She makes me happy. Happier than I ever thought I could be.But... She doesn't see that. She doesn't see what we could be if she just gets away from that fear and lets it happen.

    Okay. I think I'm done. If I think of something else... I guess I'll post a new rant or just edit this one. Thanks for reading who ever did. Comment if you must or want to
  • Harvest Moon (Short Story)

    "Jae. Come on. Hurry up."

    "Mal. Jeezus. Wait up." But she refused to wait. I had to chuckle softly to myself as the girl bounded across the large rocks that lay in the sand. My heart skipped a few beats, worrying about her falling, but I didn't worry about it to much, I was too happy. It was odd really, how happy I could be when around her. But I paid to mind to the strangeness of the fact. I just let it flow, I loved it. And I loved...

    "Jae!" She called out again, gesturing for me to follow her through a thick brush of cat tails that were swaying gently in the cool night breeze. I felt my cheeks burn as I looked at her. A smile crept upon my lips. The tips of my ears burnt red, I knew they did. This always happened when I looked at her. She was just too... perfect. Amazing. I continued to stare at her, lost in my little world. The dark night made it difficult to see her onyx colored hair, but the distinguishing feature of her dark colored locks was the stripe of white bangs that covered her left eyes at times. I chuckled at that. It was all too cute. natural too. Her eyes... despite being quite a few yards away from them, I could see them perfectly, for the image of those beautiful eyes were burned into my mind. Never could I forget them, no matter how hard I tried.

    "Jaenna Reed! Come oooon!" She whined and I shook my head, coming back to reality. I blush again, and then chuckled.

    "Alright, alright. I'm coming." I say as I begin to hop across the rocks, trying not to fall into the damp sand. I was barefoot. We both were. And in our PJ's as well. It was about one in the morning, and here we were... gallivanting across the small strip of beach near my house. But it didn't matter. I was with her. I was with Mallory. Gosh... I loved...

    She disappeared through the cattails, and I rushed to catch up, erupting out of the cattails and almost tripping over her, for she had taken a seat in the sand, her toes just barely in the dark water. I looked down at her and sighed.

    "I almost tripped over you, ya big goof." I said chuckling softly. She didn't seem to be paying attention. Her eyes were cast outward, over the dark water, staring at something in the sky. I cocked my head to the side, slightly confused.

    Then... she spoke. "Look at it." And I did. I followed her gaze and my heart skipped a beat, and it felt as if my skin melted.

    It was a large, and vibrant orange moon. Casting an eerie red glow in the sky, reflecting off of the water with a beautiful grace all its own. The cool breeze pushed my hair about, as I stared, mouth agape, at that wonderful sight. Slowly, I took a seat beside Mallory, bringing my knees up to my chest and locking my arms around my legs.

    "Wow... It is..." I said, still staring, utterly amazed. Tonight seemed perfect. it really did. We had snuck out of my house to just go for a walk because we couldn't sleep. We were both too wound up. We need to get rid of some energy. And this was the perfect way. A walk to the beach with... her. This girl. I looked to my side and I watched her. She was still staring at the moon but I didn't care. All I need to do was watch her. I didn't care if it was creepy. Just looking at her made me feel so happy.

    Mal shifted slightly, and her arm brushed mine. My skin tingled. I wanted to reach out and pull her closer. And so... I did. I wrapped an arm around her waist and puled her close to me, keeping my arm there. Then, she laid her head on my shoulder. I jumped and she looked at me. "Sorry." I said. She nodded and laid her head back down. Wow. Perfect.

    We sat there, and just watched the moon. Letting the minutes... hours pass by.It was all just too... perfect. All of it. Amazing. All of it. I didn't want the night to end, but I knew that it eventually would. I felt myself starting to drift off, and so I looked down to Mal to tell her that we should go, but the silly girl was already asleep. I chuckled softly and pressed my lips to the top of her head in a soft kiss.

    "Sleep well..." I said softly before I laid my head on top of hers, tightening my grip around her. I didn't want to let her go. After tonight... it was all clear. Everything. All of it.

    I love her.
  • Down with the Sickness (Part one)

    Current mood:worried

         "I want to be like you"

         Those words, they stung at my sensitive ears as if a large boulder as just been pushed down a hill and I was in it's path. The look on her face, that beautiful face of hers, made the words sting even more. Like me? It felt as if I had died on the inside a little. As if some one had just stuck a hot poker into my heart and just began to swirl it around, laughing maniacally the entire time.  My skin crawled where her hand touched the skin on my cheek. So bad did I want to pull away and just... leave. So bad did I want to chastise her for such an idiotic decision. I felt a snarl building up in my throat, but I quickly stifled it as I shook my head slightly, pull away from her touch. Her soft... touch. The touch that i didn't want to leave, but at the same time hated so much.

         I stood there, and stared at her, my face, I knew for sure, showed all of my emotions at once: my shocking emerald eyes showed my confusion and anger, my furrowed brows and twitching lips showed my rage, and above all... the entirety of my face showed my love for the stupid human that stood before me. Like me? Did she seriously just say that? My anger and confusion was rising as she stared back at me with those lost, innocent eyes. And then... I imagined those beautiful eyes, dark and gone, a shell of what they once were. I imagined, against my will, her fangs bared and blood dripping from them. I imagined.. her lifting her muzzle to the sky and letting out a blood curdling howl.

         I snarled and stepped back away from her, avoiding her attempt to pull me into an embrace. My chest heaved as my breathing became deep, and every exhale sounded like another dangerous snarl. I felt my hands ball into fists, and I closed my eyes as I lowered my head, my lip curling up to bear my human and yet still animalistic fangs.

         "Are you stupid?" I heard myself say, my voice not like my own, but something different.

         "W-what?" The stupid girl sputter and tried to speak again, but I cut her off as I snarled loudly, growling, almost a loud bark of sorts. I continued to stare at the ground.

         "I said... ARE. YOU. STUPID?!"

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