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hopeful
This blog entry will be a collection of "Comming Out" stories from our members and friends and family. This blog is here so that people know that they are not alone. Someone out there has a story similar to yours. Being gay shouldn't be a big deal, but some people like to make it out to be one. Comming out isn't always easy. If you have recently come out or are in the process, remember that even when things seem dim, there's always a place for you.
Here's my story. Every story after mine will be posted w.o names if the author wishes to remain unnamed.
So my story is no secret. I will tell anyone that is curious and I'm not ashamed nor bashful about it. I'm asked often "Well how do you know you're bi?" and "How did you tell your parents?"
Truthfully, I stumbled into my coming out by accident and only one of my parents, my middle sister and my Great Aunt know that I like girls (and boys) and only my mother really knows I lean more towards girls. (In my family. The rest of the world knows. I could care less what the rest of the world thinks.)
So where do I start? I usually start with "How did you know". Nothing frustrates me more than when people think this is a phase, a cry for attention, or the result of some severe trauma suffered as a young child. Being gay, bi, feeling as if you are the wrong gender, it's not something that can be labeled as a problem or cry for attention. Part of the reason I'm willing to share my story with anyone is because I want people to understand we're not sick. We're not the result of a suppressed childhood memory. We are the way we are and that's the bottom line.
When I was younger, I stumbled across some pictures that a young child shouldn't see. Nothing horrible. Just some cheap porno mag stashed in a drawer with a couple of lesbians on the front. And instead of being ashamed or feeling like the girls were "icky", I was fascinated. I thought the women were beautiful and had the same feelings I had when I saw a boy I thought was cute. I thought I was weird and didn't understand. And I wouldn't understand until years later when I met a friend online (who I am still friends with) who was bi. She explained to me that it was possible to like girls and not be gay. This friend helped me figure out so much and I will always be grateful to her.
After I had a label to put on these feelings and attractions, I felt a little bit better about myself, but was still unsure. I didn't know if I should tell my parents or hide it. My father would sometimes causually say in conversation that he would never have a gay daughter. But other times, he would say things like he wished I would be gay so he wouldn't have to worry about boys and I. I never knew how he would react. My mother is a very understanding woman and supportive beyond words, but I was still young and not sure how she would feel. I felt guilty for being who I was and for keeping this secret from my parents. I would find myself thinking "What if I end up with a girl and my parents are disapointed in me because they won't get a "normal" in-law?" and of course I was worried about what my friends would think. I was terrified that they would think I was "icky" and not want to be my friend anymore.
The first friend I decided to tell was my best friend that lived in a different city. I had moved away from her a few years before this time in my life and she and I wrote each other every week.
I wrote her a long letter confessing my secret and telling her how scared I was that she would never speak to me again.
She wrote me back and told me in her letter that she was bi and it was cool and she would always love me.
Needless to say, I felt a bit mellowdramatic.
After that, I decided it was time to work on the homefront. Around the middle of 8th grade, I called my best friend from the town I lived in and told her. At first she was a little shaken (I lived in a small town, smaller than Forest City.) After a few minutes, she told me she loved me and that she was still my best friend and always would be.
After that, I kept my sexuality under wraps, telling only a few close friends, and an ex boyfriend I was dating at the time. I hid the truth from my parents tho. I was terrified of them finding to the point of letting a cousin who had found out about me blackmail me into giving him a cigar my friend had given me.
Time went by and I ended up moving to North Carolina, where I met many girls who were openly bi or gay and I felt comfortable being myself. With this comfortableness, I let my guard down when it came to my parents.
One day my mom called me into her room and sat me down. My heart was flying a million miles a minute. Either she knew I liked girls or she knew about the nipple piercings I had been hiding for almost a year. Either way, this wasn't going to be pretty.
Mom looked at me and said "Ok. Don't be upset if this question offends you. I just want to know..." *here it comes* "Do you like girls?"
And I sat in the chair and thought, do I lie or do I come clean?
I smiled a cutesy smile and said "And boys"
And that was it. Mom said she had had a feeling and so did my Aunt (who we lived with) and that she was OK with whoever I was. She said we would tell dad eventually, but he didn't have to know just yet.
Dad still hasn't been officially told and it's been like 3 years. Dads can be a tricky subject I guess.
Then came the little sister. God I was nervous. But she was going into high school, and I'm known at my school for being into girls. And I knew she'd find out by the end of the first day. I knew she'd hear the jokes in Speech and I knew people would probably wonder if she was or not.
So I pulled her aside in the kitchen a week before school started and said:
"You're going to find out at school anyway. *INH* I like boys and I like girls"
*INH* gets wide eyed, gasps and shrieks "I KNEW IT!" and proceeds to giggle and clap.
I'm lucky to have had a decently positive reaction from those I've told. Coming out as bi isn't as hard as coming out as gay sometimes, but it can be just as hard. A lot of people can't grasp the concept of "boys and girls" They hear "I like *same sex*" and they tune out the rest.
Being gay or bi or trans or pans or any "alternative" lifestyle doesn't make you weird or a bad person.
Not everyone's coming out is easy. If you have a story, please share it. These stories will be posted anonymously in this blog. Share your story so people who are having trouble coping with coming out know that someone out there has a story similar to theirs and they are not alone.
This is Britt's coming out story:
A lot of the time you sit down with your parents and tell them "mom, dad" im gay.... well that didnt happen with me. I was 16 when i got my first girlfriend and i was so excited because i had been looking for one forever. So i go over to my sisters house thinking that she would be on my side and be happy for me because she had already knew i was into girls... So i told her i had a girlfriend and she acted happy for me and all and she wanted to meet her. So we go over to her house, hang out, and we ended up staying the night. A couple of days later i get a phone call from my dad and he says come see me i wanna see you, well i didnt think nothing of it. Well when i get there its just him and me and he tells me that he knows about me being a lesbian and he knows that i have a girlfriend....i'm like "what the fuck"!
So i guess to make a long story short i never got to come out on my own, my sister backstabbed me and told my dad and he disowned me for a really long time and threatened to put my girlfriend in jail, but i just stood my ground because i know who i was and i always will be and finally after months of bashing me and questioning me he just left me alone and said "I love you because you are my daughter and i want you in my life so i am not going to interfere with your life anymore and you can be who you are".
So there you go that is my coming out story
If you e-mail your stories to me, I'll add them as a comment under this blog so that the stories won't get mixed up.
Keep 'em comming guys!
Here's my story. Every story after mine will be posted w.o names if the author wishes to remain unnamed.
So my story is no secret. I will tell anyone that is curious and I'm not ashamed nor bashful about it. I'm asked often "Well how do you know you're bi?" and "How did you tell your parents?"
Truthfully, I stumbled into my coming out by accident and only one of my parents, my middle sister and my Great Aunt know that I like girls (and boys) and only my mother really knows I lean more towards girls. (In my family. The rest of the world knows. I could care less what the rest of the world thinks.)
So where do I start? I usually start with "How did you know". Nothing frustrates me more than when people think this is a phase, a cry for attention, or the result of some severe trauma suffered as a young child. Being gay, bi, feeling as if you are the wrong gender, it's not something that can be labeled as a problem or cry for attention. Part of the reason I'm willing to share my story with anyone is because I want people to understand we're not sick. We're not the result of a suppressed childhood memory. We are the way we are and that's the bottom line.
When I was younger, I stumbled across some pictures that a young child shouldn't see. Nothing horrible. Just some cheap porno mag stashed in a drawer with a couple of lesbians on the front. And instead of being ashamed or feeling like the girls were "icky", I was fascinated. I thought the women were beautiful and had the same feelings I had when I saw a boy I thought was cute. I thought I was weird and didn't understand. And I wouldn't understand until years later when I met a friend online (who I am still friends with) who was bi. She explained to me that it was possible to like girls and not be gay. This friend helped me figure out so much and I will always be grateful to her.
After I had a label to put on these feelings and attractions, I felt a little bit better about myself, but was still unsure. I didn't know if I should tell my parents or hide it. My father would sometimes causually say in conversation that he would never have a gay daughter. But other times, he would say things like he wished I would be gay so he wouldn't have to worry about boys and I. I never knew how he would react. My mother is a very understanding woman and supportive beyond words, but I was still young and not sure how she would feel. I felt guilty for being who I was and for keeping this secret from my parents. I would find myself thinking "What if I end up with a girl and my parents are disapointed in me because they won't get a "normal" in-law?" and of course I was worried about what my friends would think. I was terrified that they would think I was "icky" and not want to be my friend anymore.
The first friend I decided to tell was my best friend that lived in a different city. I had moved away from her a few years before this time in my life and she and I wrote each other every week.
I wrote her a long letter confessing my secret and telling her how scared I was that she would never speak to me again.
She wrote me back and told me in her letter that she was bi and it was cool and she would always love me.
Needless to say, I felt a bit mellowdramatic.
After that, I decided it was time to work on the homefront. Around the middle of 8th grade, I called my best friend from the town I lived in and told her. At first she was a little shaken (I lived in a small town, smaller than Forest City.) After a few minutes, she told me she loved me and that she was still my best friend and always would be.
After that, I kept my sexuality under wraps, telling only a few close friends, and an ex boyfriend I was dating at the time. I hid the truth from my parents tho. I was terrified of them finding to the point of letting a cousin who had found out about me blackmail me into giving him a cigar my friend had given me.
Time went by and I ended up moving to North Carolina, where I met many girls who were openly bi or gay and I felt comfortable being myself. With this comfortableness, I let my guard down when it came to my parents.
One day my mom called me into her room and sat me down. My heart was flying a million miles a minute. Either she knew I liked girls or she knew about the nipple piercings I had been hiding for almost a year. Either way, this wasn't going to be pretty.
Mom looked at me and said "Ok. Don't be upset if this question offends you. I just want to know..." *here it comes* "Do you like girls?"
And I sat in the chair and thought, do I lie or do I come clean?
I smiled a cutesy smile and said "And boys"
And that was it. Mom said she had had a feeling and so did my Aunt (who we lived with) and that she was OK with whoever I was. She said we would tell dad eventually, but he didn't have to know just yet.
Dad still hasn't been officially told and it's been like 3 years. Dads can be a tricky subject I guess.
Then came the little sister. God I was nervous. But she was going into high school, and I'm known at my school for being into girls. And I knew she'd find out by the end of the first day. I knew she'd hear the jokes in Speech and I knew people would probably wonder if she was or not.
So I pulled her aside in the kitchen a week before school started and said:
"You're going to find out at school anyway. *INH* I like boys and I like girls"
*INH* gets wide eyed, gasps and shrieks "I KNEW IT!" and proceeds to giggle and clap.
I'm lucky to have had a decently positive reaction from those I've told. Coming out as bi isn't as hard as coming out as gay sometimes, but it can be just as hard. A lot of people can't grasp the concept of "boys and girls" They hear "I like *same sex*" and they tune out the rest.
Being gay or bi or trans or pans or any "alternative" lifestyle doesn't make you weird or a bad person.
Not everyone's coming out is easy. If you have a story, please share it. These stories will be posted anonymously in this blog. Share your story so people who are having trouble coping with coming out know that someone out there has a story similar to theirs and they are not alone.
This is Britt's coming out story:
A lot of the time you sit down with your parents and tell them "mom, dad" im gay.... well that didnt happen with me. I was 16 when i got my first girlfriend and i was so excited because i had been looking for one forever. So i go over to my sisters house thinking that she would be on my side and be happy for me because she had already knew i was into girls... So i told her i had a girlfriend and she acted happy for me and all and she wanted to meet her. So we go over to her house, hang out, and we ended up staying the night. A couple of days later i get a phone call from my dad and he says come see me i wanna see you, well i didnt think nothing of it. Well when i get there its just him and me and he tells me that he knows about me being a lesbian and he knows that i have a girlfriend....i'm like "what the fuck"!
So i guess to make a long story short i never got to come out on my own, my sister backstabbed me and told my dad and he disowned me for a really long time and threatened to put my girlfriend in jail, but i just stood my ground because i know who i was and i always will be and finally after months of bashing me and questioning me he just left me alone and said "I love you because you are my daughter and i want you in my life so i am not going to interfere with your life anymore and you can be who you are".
So there you go that is my coming out story
If you e-mail your stories to me, I'll add them as a comment under this blog so that the stories won't get mixed up.
Keep 'em comming guys!
I entered college knowing that I liked girls, the difficult part being that I chose to attend an all girls school. As the weeks passed, I made new friends, all the while trying to keep my distance. I wanted to be sure that when I came out to my new friends they would not feel uncomfortable around me. It was difficult, I constantly feared the same rejection that I received from my mother. At first it was easy, I kept away from conversations and I always felt uncomfortable if the subject made its way to gays or lesbians. I actually probably looked like a big homophobe.
I remember the first time A Shot At Love With Tila Tequila came on, my roommate and I sat in the floor together and watched it. When Tila brought the girls out, we were both a little shocked, “She’s bi?” Absently minded I respond, “yeah, everyone’s bi these days, it’s the new emo.”
“Are you?”
“Um. *stammer* No. I was just saying…”
That’s how it went, for a few weeks. Then I began seeing someone, and it became more and more difficult to hide another person in my life. Girls with boyfriends don’t call their significant others beautiful, and when I started saying I loved someone over the phone, she began asking questions.
It started to torment me, I was terrified that my roommate would find out, and want to change rooms. But I couldn’t stand hiding something that important from the person that was quickly becoming my best friend.
“hey.”
“what?” I received a groggy response from a bed across the room. I want to tell you something, but I’m afraid you’ll leave.” I started crying about this time.
“okkkkayyyy?”
“I’m bi.”
“Is that all?” She laughed. what? Is that all? Wtf.
“What?”
“It’s okay.” and she came and hugged me.
Even though she said she accepted me, I was a little concerned about how she would react. My fears lasted until the next morning when our friendship was the same as it had been, but better because I now felt like I was being myself.
From there I faced several more “outs”, a few family members knew and supported my decision, while once I finally told my mom again, she responded negatively again. My father, in contrast, was very accepting, I cried again. It was kind of sad but I sent him a text and he called, “Are you joking?” Not this time, I’m serious. I told him about my mother’s disapproval, and her rejection, and my partner, and how I felt like he wouldn’t love me and I was interrupted by the man that hadn’t been involved in my life since childhood, “There is nothing you can do to make me not love you and you will always be welcome in my house, no matter what you mother says.”
As my relationship with my dad improved, he called me day to day to check on me, and my mom didn’t really talk to either of us. But with the support of my best friend at school, my girlfriend at home, my dad and my uncle, I have faced several “coming outs”, and I realize I will continue to face them.
I often get negative responses, and I get people who are concerned that I will get hurt for being what I am. My response is, that I would rather live life, and die for being who I am and loving who I love, than living in fear of being caught by the homophobic police. My roommate also gets occasionally questioned, or pitied in some cases, because of my sexuality. My roommate is very straight, and some who are less informed about GLBTs seem to think you can catch the gay, or some were constantly afraid that I would hit on them or something.
The final point is that we’ll spend the rest of our lives coming out, and fighting for our love, but maybe that makes us better lovers, because we know that when we tell our significant others that we love them, and we hold their hand in public and are not ashamed, we are really in love and showing the commitment that marriages are built on. Sexuality is a personal decision, love who you love, don’t ever let anyone get in the way of that, they don’t have to love them, you do, you have to wake up every morning knowing that you lost the love of your life because of what other people thought.
You should never be afraid to love.
I never really had a chance to "come out" before my parents found out. I was attempting to date this girl who I never really got to see because my mom knew she was bisexual. I guess my mom kind of knew what was up and found my AIM conversations and read all about this while I was at school. I came home and instantly knew that something was wrong. I acted normal and walked upstairs to find this conversation printed out and taped on my door. I was so afraid because I knew my mom was homophobic...I ran to the bathroom and locked myself in and started to cry. This was not the way I wanted her to find out. I wanted to have someone that cared about me at my side and to tell her face to face. My mom then came upstairs and started beating on the bathroom door and yelling at me. I eventually came out of the bathroom and ran to my room. My mom followed me in there and said awful things to me and made threats to me concerning my friends and the person I was seeing. She called my entire family and told them what a terrible person I was; she then kicked me out of the house and I went and lived with my dad for a while. Eventually my mom came to her senses and apologized for all the horrible things she did and said. I agreed to move back in with her under certain conditions one being she had to meet the girl and be nice to her; she couldn't judge her for what she was, but who she was. My mom agreed and after meeting this girl she realized what a terrible mistake she had made and apologzied to me and her at the same time. I was thrilled! It has been several years since I've been out and my mom still doesn't approve of who I am, but she supports me none the less. My mom used to go to church every Sunday, but now has stopped because of all the gay bashing that goes on. She even told off a preacher who said I was going to Hell because of my sexuality. My step-dad has supported me all the way and has done the same. The rest of my family refuses to believe and thinks it's a phase even though it has been years. I'm not a lesbian, but I am pan sexual. I honestly believe that I will love someone for who they are and not what gender they are. I have fallen in love with both male and female. I have had my heart broken by both, but no matter what I know that in the end I will find someone that loves me just as I love them and even if my family doesn't approve they will be there for me until the end. I went though pure hell when I "came out," but in the end it was worth it! Just remember no matter what anyone says you must be yourself and love whomever you love. Does listen to the negative things people say.
Your life and your happiness is what matters! I learned the hard way, but now I am happy and very open about who I am!
i am bi and i can relate to you very much so. i have lived in asheville all my life. when i first realize i was bi i was in middle school. i had just broke up with one of my ex's b/f and a real pretty gurl walked by me and i thought i would love to see her naked. i thought at first i just really like her becuase she was sexy (we have all been there lol) but then i felt i shoudl approch her. so of course i did. to turn out she was bi and i told her i would love to do "things" with her to see if i would like them or not. so eventaly we did "things" and i knw right then that it was not a thing that will leave me i felt in love with her and from then on i knew i was bi. i loved looking at gurls and thinking about them and of course watching gurl on gurl action. but eventualy i would have to tell the world. my mom was always talking about how gay and bi people are nasty and all that stuff so i wouldnt knw how she would feel about me being bi. also the school i was goin to did a alot of hate on hate crime to bis and gays and i didnt want to end up killin somebody if i came out. so i talk to my ex g/f about it and she told me i shouldnt think about other people that i should do what i want to do. so i got up the strength to tell my dad first(when i was 17 which im now 18lol). my dad was really kool about the whole thing he played it off like most guys do *im a lez in a mans body* type of thing. so i was really happy and felt really strong about tellin my closetest friends about it and to find out half of them was bi but scared to tell anybody. i have yet to come clean with my mom because we dont have a good realtionship but what we do have i would like to keep.
but maybe one day soon it will all be out int he open:)